She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
