If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
