im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
