Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I want is dick and wine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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