Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
