He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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