You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
