y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
