Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
high people should be assigned attendants
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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