Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
