I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm really busy with my period
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