Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
