dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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