i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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