Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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