I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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