There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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