My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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