I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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