Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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