my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
