just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
