oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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