I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
