I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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