More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
