If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
