had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
