1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
