have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
