I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
either way he was missing a nipple.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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