Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
