Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
