I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
