My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
