my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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