I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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