i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
