its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
