remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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