you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
