I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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