dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
they're like a gay fantastic four
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
