I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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