If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
