I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
