it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
