I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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