Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
