apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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