my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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