im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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